Category Archives: letters to myself

horror

Somethings you will only admit
In whispers
Like how terrified you are of
Rejection
Even in the eyes of a stranger
You search
For a glimmer of acceptance or
For traces of disdain
All those books have yet to convince you
That you have worth
Just as you are
They have yet to shield you from the passing glance
They have yet to stop the blood rushing out of your face
When you catch a wiff of dismay in the air
You still trust your fear
It taught you to anticipate being discarded
It taught you to watch your life
Like a horror film
Waiting for the villain to emerge
Sitting on the edge of your seat
Your fear trained your mind
To spot any possibility of rejection
And so it finds them
You realize that every situation is riddled with them
So you withdraw
You remove the possibility
You remove the people
You hide
And so you taste the consequence
The fruit of rejection
The isolation
The loneliness
The prophecy is fulfilled
You reject yourself
So they don’t have to
Its time to retrain your mind
Its time to give it a new mission
Its time to ask a new question
Start small
Don’t over think it
Ask it every morning
Every evening write down your response
What are you looking for?
Because you will find it
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exposed

exposed
that’s how it can feel
to create
you start with an idea
it captures you
with the promise of the possible
the hope of change
so you pursue it
alone at first
speaking in whispers
then you share it
with those closest to you
as you do
you see its flaws
the wrinkles
the imperfections
the promise becomes an uncertainty
but you forge on
still captured by its beauty
you hack your way through a sea of emotions
until you set it free
until you let it go
then the idea is born into the present moment
paradox pulls you
strings you up
between beauty and pain
between hope and fear
you can barely stand to look
it’s a nakedness you cannot clothe
will it have any impact?
will it resonate with one person?
exposed
that’s how it can feel
but also
exhilarating
as if the shaking vulnerability
opened up a spring
joy wells up inside your chest
alive
that’s how it can feel
to create

walls

you are connected
more than you’d like to admit
i know you are afraid
of the impact you have
on every person you share this precious air with
i know you sense
that the fear under your skin
has a way of getting out
it speaks an unspoken language
it builds walls between you and others
it bans the encounter with difference
it refuses entry to someone’s need
i know you are looking for yourself
you want desperately to be whole
you think that others get in your way
that they prevent you from being who you want to be
yet when your fear tire itself into a short slumber
you are strangely aware
that self-discovery is not the journey of an isolated individual
that we discover who we are
together
in the sharing of depths and heights
that when you make space for the other
you make space for yourself
i know you are afraid
muster up just a little courage
to believe that we find life together
in our differences
stir up just a little conviction
to find one small way
you can make space for someone else today

current

its a new year
I know you feel the pull
the need to change
the burden to grow
the longing to become
who you are meant to be
be
breathe
there is no pressure here
no container holding you in
don’t start this year enslaved to “shoulds”
before you reach
let go of what contains you
let go of the stories that pull you down
that promise you safety
but deliver oppression
let yourself be
let yourself want
let yourself pursue
it will lead to conflict
let that be your marker
the road to life is marked by resistance
feel the current
life is upstream
as you swim
let your burdens float
leave them to the river
let it carry them
you swim
one stoke at a time

void

you don’t have to understand it all
they all might understand more
they might look down on you
you might feel the void
of intelligence
of worth
of having anything to contribute
it might carve you out
but when you step
into that empty space
you will find the ground of your being
is loved
and that being you matters
with your limitations
make room for them in picture of you
but don’t give them steal the scene
live in the grace filled tension
of strength and weakness
then maybe
you will stop trying to hide your ignorance
puffing up your words
tuning your tone
to shut down suspicion
to look like them
to look like someone else
you will be free to ask
to see
to learn
even if it doesn’t stick
you will have allowed yourself to be curious
tend to this work
be curious
find out how to be you
help others to be them
be gracious
we’re all still learning

hopeless

You are disappointed
Its understandable
Things didn’t go the way you hoped
It’s easy to lose hope
To let the darkness take you under
But before it consumes all of you
Consider the possibility that it is a gift
What if hopelessness is what you need
Hopelessness invites change
It offers reexamination
It calls for a new approach
It asks for new understanding
Don’t let hopelessness run wild
Hear its words
Let them refine you
But don’t sing its songs
Adjust
Now is not the time for self-pity
Now is the time for action
Now is the time for change
Discover a deeper hope
A lasting hope
Work towards it
With the trust that its not all up to you
With the faith that things will be put right
With the grace that sees people
Not as their beliefs
Not as their ideas
But as people
Broken
Beautiful
People
Remember the goal is love
The method is love
So its worth learning
And now is a great time to start

worlds

You were misunderstood again
And again you misunderstood.
The pain is violent
And blinding
And crippling.
The separation like blades tearing open flesh.
Someone missed you again.
You tried so hard. You tried with everything that you have.
But they missed you.
How many billions of worlds exist on the outside?
How many minds move through time alongside yours?
Every consciousness on this earth presents an individual perspective.
Yours is the only world you have to live in
And nobody can ever truly enter
Just as you cannot pass the boundary into another’s.
But –
You can peer in
Catch a glimpse
A glitter
A shimmer of the place where others carve their existence.
You’ll never fully embody it
Never fully fit in it
And someone will always miss you.
But you’re not wrong
And your world is not a mistake.
You’re not false or fake or insignificant.
You’re not alien or unworthy or valueless.
You are just different
And you matter
And you have something to give
Just like everyone else.

[this is a guest post from Chelsea Putt. if you would like to share your letter to yourself with the rest of us send me an email].

birth

Your faith will change
That is a good thing
The idealism of youth
Will crumble over time
Under the pressure of the unknowable
It will feel like the end of your faith
The death of a part of you
You may want to cling white knuckled to what was
But you are being invited to let go
They are birth pains
Of a new faith
So don’t pretend you can run away from faith
Instead let go of what has been found wanting
Let go of the identity you attached to it
Let go of the need for a neat and tidy paradigm
For a time it will seem like things are getting darker
But you will slowly see a new dawn
So hold on to the pursuit
Be faithful to the direction
Keep following in the footsteps
When you pursue the holy one
the unnameable one
the one thing we can expect
is change

naked

It is a dangerous thing
Stepping into your gifting
Your talent has been seen
Now what will you do with it?
You can hear the question on their lips
Suddenly you feel exposed
A lasting vulnerability
So what will you do with it?
You will feel the strong pull of safety
Its quite likely you will seek cover
Where do you typically hide?
In work
In busyness
In feelings
In depression
Can you name your hiding place?
Call it out for what it is
Then get back out there
Take a small step
Use your gift
Experience the joy of sharing
Savor it
And when that feeling of nakedness comes
Remember the giving experience
Remember how it feels
How it smells
How it looks
Clothe yourself in it
Wrap the exposure in joy

pursue

what will it take?
you’ve entertained fantasies of escape for too long
you keep waiting for the blinking lights
the gift wrapped solution
the sure bet
otherwise you’re too afraid to jump
afraid of what it might cost
have you accounted for what you’re paying now?
with your precious breaths
listen to your life
hear the cry
record the sound in your mind
replay it when you forget the cost
what are the critical steps?
write them down
script this
don’t give yourself an out
tell a friend the plan
then don’t talk about
do what it takes
prioritize to make this happen
what do you need to put on hold for this?
define success as being faithful to the pursuit
now pursue